Art and Mothering

I still remember being in college and my professors lamenting about the women they trained to be artists. They were sad that they were so talented, yet as soon as they started their families they would move away from art. I will never forget that because it really made me think very hard for the first time about how I would deal with having my own children and making art. I was engaged at the time, so it really stuck in my mind.

Of course I was convinced that wouldn’t happen to me at all. I would be a wonderful artist and mother and sell masterpieces faster than I could paint them. What I didn’t know was anything about raising children or having babies, or seasons of life. I didn’t know that these women they were speaking of made choices to stop or pause their careers to focus on their most precious gift- their children. Many would return when their children were older, many would not return. But is was a choice. Some would not have a choice and would have to continue to work to support their family, but find work in a more stable career other than selling their work.

What really happened was this- I had to work, no matter what. It wasn’t a choice. My husband was a truck driver but he wanted to be home to help raise our babies too, so he had to take lower-paying work while he built up a career. This was after we struggled for a long time just to put food on the table after both of us being severely physically injured within our first year of marriage, then dealing with the horrible job market of 9/11. I had finally gotten a stable job, but it was 10 hours a week short of full-time. Selling my work was feast or famine, more famine than anything. However, we kept our spirits up. We were very blessed a year later with a beautiful baby daughter.

Becoming a new mom is really hard if you have never seen anyone else do it, or been around babies or children very much. This was me. Luckily I did have books so I read and read and with that help, and lots of hard work, was able to become the mother I had always dreamed I would be.

No matter what happens time keeps going so I’ve learned over the years I better plan and work toward what I want for the future instead of passively hoping for good, or focusing too much on the bad things from the past. Books helped me do just that and the one I want to highlight today is “Drawn from New England: A Portrait in Words and Pictures” by Bethany Tudor.

Tasha Tudor was a working mother. She illustrated many books while raising her 4 children. She doesn’t speak much of her first husband, who did work, but it seems he did not earn enough to support them. Tasha states that many times in the early years the wolf was at the door.

Tasha’s biography is so lovely and shows an idealized version of what I wanted to be one day. I took a lot of solace from her. It was fascinating to see her working and making art. Tasha was kind of like a mentor to me in that way, showing me that it could be done, and that I could do it too.

Other things that have helped greatly are small, or travel art supplies. As soon as I understood the value of working smaller and with less supplies around babies and little ones, the easier it got to find these things and use them. My first mini-watercolor kit was a Winsor & Newton Field box filled with tiny half-pans. This, along with a mini Moleskine watercolor album, made all the difference in making it easier for me to paint around little ones. Many times I would wait until they were asleep, but most of the time they were asleep next to me since they nursed at night and slept in our bed. There is no way I could have wrangled the full-sized art supplies around a sleeping babe, even the half-size ones were too big. I had to go TINY!

My best and first purchase was a Moleskine sketchbook journal, where I started to record my life and draw whenever I had a little time. The paper is thick, a lovely light cream color, and very smooth. It’s size (called large- 5″ x 8.25″) is perfect for tucking into a bag, or keeping on the bedside table. It was just smallish enough, and convenient enough that I could journal anytime, anywhere.

I am so lucky to just have a job to help support my family but I wish it had been more of a choice. I would be so much happier at home with lots more children instead of going out to work. A lot of women are waking up to this too; women that never got married or had babies because they worked first. Women, who like me, had to be breadwinners while they were young and fertile, whose families are smaller than they would like or who have no families.

I lost my fertility about the age of 28 after my last baby. No kidding. Thankfully I have children, but only by the grace of God. I tell my daughter not to wait. Children and a happy marriage are the highest accomplishments a woman can strive for and give more happiness than any other thing on earth. God first, family second, art is third, and a career is much further down the list for me.

I do find lots of fulfillment and satisfaction in teaching, but not at all like I do as a mother. It is not even close. 🙂 However, I am really glad to be happy teaching. Its the best fit for me and I really enjoy being around the children.

Another artist I admire is Shirley Hughes, a London-based illustrator prominent in the 70s and 80s. She worked and had 3 children to look after, often using ideas from her life in her stories. Her illustrations are beautiful and like Tasha reflect a life spent with children.

Lastly is Tasha Tudor’s great friend, Nell Dorr, a mother and photographer who documented her children’s lives and also Tasha’s in her beautiful black and white photography book “Mother and Child.”

Now I just try to inspire myself!

Happy arty parenting to you from Kansas Street,

-Jaime